Loser, Winner, Chicken Dinner

I’m always writing about how I’m so comfortable with loss, because I truly am.

I wear it as a badge of honour to remind myself of what I’ve overcome & the work I’ve done to get where I am today. I’m extremely proud of myself for prevailing against hardship & it’s something I’ll always reflect on from time.

You see, loss & I are old pals, we met back in 2017 & we’ve been making memories ever since.

Grief, however, can go choke. Loss & Grief are related & inseparable. I accept the one & loathe the other.

As I’ve said before, I don’t find any difficulty in admitting when I’ve made an “oops” & I certainly never shy away from the responsibility to right my wrongs.

(I think it’s so important to do so because if we don’t put in the work for reparation or reconciliation, we’d all be nomads.)

As someone who’s well acquainted with loss & grief, let me tell you, there’s no way to survive without support.

We may think we can do it on your own, and, perhaps sheer willpower could propel us forward, but be assured, support is what grounds us.

The crazy thing is, when we’re going through it, support is the last thing we want.

Side note: I hate when people say; “if you ever need me, just call me” because I know that the last thing I want to do is spill my guts to someone when I’m going through it.

Grief is so personal & so visceral. It’s almost impossible to convey or explain how I feel sometimes. One minute I’m fine & the next, I’m not. I tend to self-isolate because I would rather not burden anyone with my woes.

I’m not too proud to admit that grief has brought me to my knees many, many times.

I spent countless sleepless nights reliving old scenarios, ruminating on past mistakes & ultimately, arriving at closed doors where closure should have been.

Closure, I’ve realised, is a luxury that not many are afforded in this life. Bad things happened, people have hurt me & abandoned me & I was forced to either deal, or drown. It sucked! (Pretending it didn’t hurt sucked more btw)

So how did I overcome loss & grief?

The simple answer is, I didn’t. I simply just outlived it. There’s no magic recipe to processing feelings, but my best advice would be to honour them when you have them. Don’t bully yourself into feeling better.

Take the time. Cry if you need to. Introspect. Do whatever is needed to make yourself feel good again. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing/doing better. Let go of past mistakes— you can’t change them. Eventually, these good habits will become a part of your healing routine.

Too often, we focus on the end of the road (being over it) & neglect the process it takes to get there.

“Happiness is the journey, not the destination.”

Take care of yourselves.